just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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