a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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