you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize