remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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