May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
