I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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