Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I faked an abortion last night.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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