coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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