I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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