you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
