you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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