At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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