Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
