he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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