I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
