He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
