3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
