Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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