Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
