hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
