I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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