I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
