she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
