Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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