It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
