i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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