I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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