Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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