Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
