sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
