I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
