so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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