How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
