i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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