i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
