I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
