I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
