Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
