what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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