Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Never underestimate the power of titties
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
