Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
