Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
