Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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