3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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