the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
