cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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