she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
