I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
