Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
