I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize