dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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