I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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