How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
