looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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