I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
