I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
