Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
