There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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