Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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