worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dick very happy bro
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
