Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
