Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just blew my weed a kiss
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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